I have to be honest with you guys... I've been struggling to create content lately. Some call it a rut. Right now I just feel uninspired. Or I don't know, maybe overwhelmed with so many things I want to do  and how my business goals seem bigger than I can even explain. I've been struggling between
two very different worlds when it comes to my brand. There's this side of me that desperately wants to just post gorgeous and amazing photos every single time, you know those amazing mouth dropping photos we all love on our feeds, but those photos are barely ever real. Don't get me wrong I LOVE them... but how do I find the balance between authenticity and reality yet gorgeous and staged? The other side of me wants to be super authentic... iPhone pictures, not staged, not worried about numbers and likes and all that shit. When you do this as a brand, there are moments in this business where you don't know which way to go. That's exactly where I am.

I rebranded... and somehow I am stuck in a place where my creativity and inspiration aren't just there. 

There are so many stunning bloggers I admire... Mariana Hewitt, Hello Fashion Blog, Mom Crush Monday, Cara Loren, Camila Coelho, Glency Feliz... and of course Sincerely Jules. But professionally I seem to feel that I am kidding myself that I will ever get to that level. And while I know that I am me and you guys love me for ME... I aspire to take my blogging business to higher levels than just this. Doing this alone (without a full team) is beyond exhausting, both mentally and emotionally. Am I aiming for the wrong star? I admire these women for their perseverance, their go-getter attitudes, their goals and their work ethic. But I don't have a team of people, I don't have a professional photographer (though my hubby does an amazing job!!), or assistants and nannies... but you get what I mean. So from time to time, I sit here in my office and stare out the window... and think is there a real light at the end of this blogging tunnel? 

Numbers mean nothing to me, and if you know me, you know that that is 100% the truth. Ha. Have you seen my IG engagement lately... discouraging. But I can't help but feel helpless in my growth on social media and here on the blog. And I don't mean to sound ungrateful so forgive me if that's how it's coming out but what I mean is that while I am so beyond grateful for the opportunities that I've been given and the brands that have worked with me... is this really were I should be at this point of the game? I started the year off super amped... even by May I was super excited and closing contracts left and right... but then there's a silence that is steady and it's starts to freak me out... this is my chosen career... what I truly LOVE and ENJOY. But one day it became more than a hobby for me and a source of income for my family. So whenever I have no inspiration, no creativity or no work booked, I freak out. Because this blog is literally whatever I feed it. All the weight is on me. Sole me. But is all of this worth the time and effort this truly takes? 

You see, it's so different when you are on this side of the screen. It's hard not to get discouraged and feel a certain way about your numbers and your follower count, about engagement and campaigns or lack there of. So these people that I admire and give me so much inspiration... those people are not me. But will I ever be on a level where all the time and effort and sacrifices I have made are worth it?  Today, I am blurry on that thought. But if I am being 100% sincere, it's so hard to let go. I wholeheartedly know that I don't need a "break" and that I am not leaving blogging, that's not what will make me happy. In fact, it will depress me because I sincerely L O V E this. It means so much to me and it has given me so much happiness, confidence and joy in the past couple of years. It has given me amazing opportunities and best of all great friendships. 

I hadn't written a post since 6/27 before this morning's post... That's much longer than my usual time between posts but I just didn't have anything to write about or anything to say. I didn't feel that another summer OOTD was what my heart wanted to write about. And I know this post may sound a bit depressing (I am sorry) but I have always been very open with how I feel about  many stages of my life. And this is one of them, the present one. 

I'm still not sure where this blogging journey will take me. Whenever I think it's dying down, I get this really amazing opportunity... or I get a message from a inspiring blogger friend to meet up. And that's how I maintain my head up. Someway, somehow whenever I am ready to give up, God has His way to lifting me back up. I got a really fun campaign offer this week from a brand I love.. and a great lunch date with an amazing woman I admire. I see those little things as ways that God grabs me by my wings and reminds me to always keep flying... and reminds me that it is worth it.